Your Anxiety Might Be Protecting You From Something You’ve Outgrown

Many women I work with come into therapy believing anxiety is the problem.

They’ve tried calming it, managing it, breathing through it, talking themselves out of it. And yet it keeps coming back. Sometimes louder. Sometimes sneakier.

Here’s a reframe that often brings relief:

What if your anxiety isn’t broken — but protective?

Anxiety as a Protector, Not a Flaw

From a nervous system perspective, anxiety often develops for a very good reason.

At some point, your system learned:

• Stay alert

• Stay prepared

• Don’t relax too much

• Don’t miss anything important

That might have helped you survive emotional unpredictability, relational stress, loss, medical events, or seasons where you had to grow up quickly. Even if nothing “big” happened, your body learned that being on guard was safer than being at ease.

Anxiety isn’t random.It’s learned protection.

When Protection Becomes Exhausting

The problem isn’t that anxiety exists.The problem is that it may still be operating as if the threat is current, even when your life has changed.

This can look like:

• Feeling on edge even when things are going well

• Overthinking small decisions

• Difficulty resting or feeling present

• A sense of “I should be fine, but I’m not”

Your nervous system may be running an old survival program — one that helped before, but now costs more than it protects.

Why Insight and Coping Skills Don’t Always Resolve Anxiety

Many thoughtful, self-aware women understand why they feel anxious.

They can trace patterns, name triggers, and talk about their history — and yet their body doesn’t get the memo.

That’s because anxiety isn’t just a thought pattern.It’s a physiological memory stored in the nervous system.

This is why:

• Positive thinking doesn’t stick

• Calming tools help temporarily

• Anxiety returns during stress or change

Your system isn’t refusing to calm down.It hasn’t yet learned that it no longer needs to protect you in this way.

How EMDR Helps Anxiety When It’s Rooted in Protection

EMDR therapy doesn’t try to eliminate anxiety or force calm.

Instead, it helps your nervous system:

• Reprocess experiences that taught it to stay on high alert

• Update old beliefs like “I’m not safe” or “I have to handle everything”

• Integrate emotional and physical memory so protection can soften

Many clients notice that anxiety naturally reduces — not because it’s controlled, but because it’s no longer needed.

A Gentler Question to Ask Yourself

Instead of asking:

“How do I get rid of my anxiety?”

You might ask:

“What did my anxiety learn it had to do for me?”

When anxiety is understood as protection, healing becomes collaborative rather than combative.

An Invitation

If anxiety has felt persistent despite your best efforts, EMDR may offer a way to work with your nervous system rather than against it.

You don’t have to fight anxiety to heal.Sometimes, you simply need to help your system learn that it’s safe to stand down.

If you’re curious about EMDR for anxiety or trauma, I invite you to reach out or explore working together. Shoot me an email at therapy@janagrimes.com or fill out the contact form on this website.